Here was the problem. Children eating at wicker dining table with a glass inset = crumbs in the crack, constantly. Placemats just weren't cutting it. Tablecloths were constantly needing to be washed. And vinyl tablecloths just looked lame. Not to mention the kids kept pulling the tablecloths so that they were catawampus.
So I ordered a pretty vinyl tablecloth online (oblong). One I genuinely liked. Then I found this tutorial on how to make a fitted tablecloth. Shifting problem, solved.
I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I hope that it performs up to my expectations!