Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The EX-Terminator

All right, I admit it. I have a hopeless crush on the bug man after what he did for me.

I called maintenance with a request to have the exterminator come because I had been seeing roaches (I think) and some other smaller bugs that I wouldn't go away. Fully expecting a similar disaster to that of the Carbon Monoxide (see CO-Habitating Post), I hesitated to call, and then when I finally did, prepared myself for a hopeless parade of nonsense taking up to a month to fully resolve the issue. I was also hesitant to have an exterminator come into my home with his full suit on and set off a stinky, dangerous bug bomb with Dominic here.

Instead, I was amazed to hear 1) the exterminator comes every other week and 2) we'll send him by as soon as he gets here. Most shocking of all, I hear the unmistakable pound of a serviceman on my door just 3 hours after I called. The bug man had come. He looked just like a normal respectable guy. No suit, no tank. Just a little wand and container.

You have bugs? Yes, I have bugs. Where? In the kitchen, in almost every cabinet and counter and under the sink. All right, let me take a look.

I disappear into the back room with Timmy and Dominic both wailing. Timmy because this man is a stranger and Dominic because I have told him "no" he can't stay in the kitchen and "help".

I come out minutes later to see if everything is going okay, and he tells me he's found the bugs and will take care of them. Very kindly he reassures me, lots of people think that they need to just put up with bugs, but that's not true. They're not a fact of life, and I can get rid of them. Maybe they came in with an appliance (the new stove????), or slipped in through a crack. Clearly you keep everything very clean, don't worry about that. See these paper bags under the sink, they need to go. Bugs love paper bags. I put beads of gel in all the cracks and in the corners of cupboards. They will not survive this stuff. Anything else? Okay, give me a call if you see any bugs in a week, and I'll come and do a second round.


The next morning, I walk into the kitchen and the casualties are strewn across my floor, their pathetic black bodies limp on the linoleum. I find a sick delight in this. 10 more down. We are winning the battle. The very fact that they are coming out during the day and shakily walking around means we're getting to them. They are nocturnal, and their appearance means that they are drunken with insecticide and losing their buggy instincts. Ha ha ha, I say (out loud). Good bye bugs.

Thank you, bug man. You're so nice.

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